Some Sanity Required
by SilverHeart09
Summary: Hilarity ensues when someone spikes the Avengers' pizza. Can Pepper, Jane and Betty save the day? Will Tony and Thor put some clothes on? And why is Natashalie protecting plants pots? Read and find out. Anyone who reads 'Same Old, Nothing New' may also enjoy this.
1. Chapter 1

_So I saw this on the x-files and thought 'this has to be made into a fic, it's too hilarious.'_

_WARNING: Prepare for insanity and lots of it._

_I need to stop writing new fics and update my old ones! Send me a message of a fic you want updating :)_

_And thank you to my lovely boyfriend for Agent Romanoff's behaviour :)_

_Disclaimer: Agent Mulder, Tony Stark, Captain America, Thor's biceps. DROOL. No seriously, I don't own them._

_Yet._

_PLEASE REVIEW._

_(Also, the tagline for the Avenger movie - SO FREAKING EXCITED - is 'Some Assembly Required' hence the title)_

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><p>There are not enough words in the English language to accurately describe the carnage Nick Fury was faced with when he entered the Avenger's base.<p>

Pandemonium.

WHAT. THE. DUCK.

Except of course Nick Fury did not say 'what the duck' because he wasn't ashamed of using fowl language now and again, he said something ruder which would have made both Pepper and Betty hurl cushions at his head, or whatever they had in their hands at that time if a cushion wasn't available, which in Pepper's case was usually her phone.

For perhaps the first time in his life, Fury did not have the first idea what to do or how to go about doing it.

Somehow, god only knows how, Steven Rogers, aka- Captain America, the first Avenger, a law abiding citizen who knew the difference between right and wrong had gotten hold of a foam dart gun and was engaged in a battle with James Logan and Bruce Banner while stripped down to his boxers and covered in what appeared to be strawberry sauce. Logan and Bruce were dressed in similar attire and Bruce had written 'HULK SMASH' in strawberry sauce across his chest.

Fury ducked as a foam dart gun whizzed past his ear and turned his attention away from people he used to be able to take seriously to the other side of the room, where more chaos was ensuing.

Tony Stark and Thor of all people were currently building a fort made out of chairs and cushions and were giggling like 6 year olds on sugar while _at the same time _attempting to have a squirty cream war in which they were firing squirty cream at each other and getting it _everywhere. _There was cream on the floor, on and in the fort, in their hair, on their faces, down their clothes or… lack… thereof… They were both naked. _Both of them. _Fury covered his eyes out of embarrassment for them and, peaking out through his fingers, realised that all they had covering their privates was cream and lots of it.

Fury quickly turned away from Tony and Thor's cream/fort building antics and nearly had a heart attack when he realised that his _number one agent, his trustworthy, respectable and determined number one agent, _was running around the room in her uniform, grabbing all of the plant pots and hiding them behind the sofa whispering to them 'it's okay, you're safe now.'

And no, that wasn't all. Agent Coulson and Clint Barton were playing Tennis with what appeared to be a can of beans and were getting frustrated when it only flew a few feet before dropping to the ground with a loud thud.

'Oh… my god…' came a shocked voice from behind him.

Fury turned round to see Pepper Potts stood there, mouth agape, looking shocked. 'What… how… why… is Natasha protecting plant pots?'

'I don't know… I don't know… I don't know… Yes, yes she is.'

'PEPPER!' Tony squealed, face lighting up when he saw her at the end of the room.

'Uh…oh…' Pepper said quietly, and before she could stop him Tony came bounding across the room, cream flying everywhere, picked her up and gave her a massive hug.

'Tony, put me down, now,' Pepper said to him, as she would a child who had done something wrong.

Tony pouted and put her back on the floor, literally, he laid her down on the floor. Pepper stood up and wiped cream off herself. 'Tony,' she said seriously. 'Why are you naked and covered in cream?'

'I love you,' Tony said grinning like a loon.

'I love you too, but that doesn't explain why…' but before she could finish Tony had grabbed hold of either side of her face and given her a passionate twirly-tongue cream covered kiss.

When he pulled away after what seemed like forever to poor Pepper, her face and her clothes were covered in cream. Tony on the other hand seemed to have lost most of the cream right where he really needed it.

'I NEVER GET KISSED BY PEPPER!' Coulson yelled from the other side of the room.

Natasha, sensing that her plant pots were being threatened, ducked down behind the sofa and hid them and herself with a blanket.

'THE FORT IS COLLAPSING!' Thor shouted sounding panicked.

'NOOOOOOO!' Tony yelled and ran back to help save their fort, now pretty much stark (if you'll pardon the pun) naked.

'Haha Tony's naked!' Bruce yelled.

Pepper decided that action needed to be taken, and quickly. She stormed over to Natasha and ripped the blanket off her and her plant pots, making her squeak. Storming over to Tony she grabbed his arm and forcefully wrapped the blanket round his middle then forced him down into a chair and sat on him to prevent him from moving anywhere. Tony responded by wrapping his arms round her waist and placing kisses down her spine, the seriousness of the situation lost on him.

Fury had managed to recover some of his leadership skills and took this Pepper-vention to yell 'SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON. NOW.'

There was silence, immediate silence. Apart from the sound of the can of beans falling to the floor and Natasha's whispers to the plant pots about not letting the scary red-head eat them.

'I'm waiting?' Fury said, tapping his foot slowly and threateningly, which was impressive considering foot-tapping isn't usually considered as being something scary.

'Steve started it!' Clint yelled.

'Did not!' Steve yelled back.

'I am not interested in who started it,' Fury said. 'I want to know what in the name of all that is holy possessed you to do it?'

Still silence and the awkward shuffling of feet.

'I see,' Fury said, clearly not seeing at all.

'What the...' Betty Ross had entered the room and was staring around at the chaos. She looked over at Pepper, who was trying to stop Tony kissing her, and caught her eye. Pepper shrugged helplessly and Natasha formed a circle with her arms around her precious pots.

'We need to fix this,' Fury said. 'It must be something they drank, or inhaled or ate.'

'To be honest, this is normal Hyper Tony behaviour,' Pepper said dryly. 'If it wasn't for Thor doing it too I probably wouldn't have noticed anything was wrong.'

At the sound of his name, Thor dived into his fort and hid himself under cushions.

'Agent Coulson,' Fury said, turning his attention to his right hand man who was currently looking like a scolded child. 'What have you all eaten?'

Coulson shrugged and shuffled his feet. 'Tony and Steve bought pizza,' he said.

Fury turned his attention to Captain America, who was still covered in sauce. 'Where did you buy the pizza from?' he asked.

'The pizza delivery store on 34th Street,' Steve said.

'Did it taste odd in anyway?'

Steve looked at him like he'd grown two heads. 'Everything tastes odd now!'

Fury turned to Bruce. 'Bruce, did you think the pizza tasted odd?'

'Not really,' Bruce said, liking some of the sauce off his arm.

'It must be the pizza,' Betty said, still shocked by the chaos the Avengers had created.

'Did you all eat it?' Fury asked. There were nods from around the group. 'Is there any left?'

Eight fingers pointed towards a pizza box left abandoned on a table.

'I'll get it down to the lab,' Betty said.

'I'll come with you,' Pepper said getting off Tony's lap.

'No don't go,' Tony said, pouting and looking sad.

'I'll be right back,' Pepper said, squeezing his hand. 'Until I am... Don't do anything stupid and please put some clothes on.'

'That's not what you were saying last night,' Tony muttered.

Thor raised an eyebrow and Pepper went pink.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

_I haven't updated this in YEARS and I am very very sorry :( :( But I am trying to update all of my old stories and I was very proud of this one, don't worry, it hasn't been forgotten about :) And I know that Logan isn't in the Avengers but I've stuck him in this one cause I wanted too. I think it kind of balances the story a bit better._

_Please review! I love you all :) The more reviews I get the bigger the incentive to update :)_

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><p>'Betty, please tell me you have answers,' Pepper growled from the doorway of Bruce's lab. 'I honestly can't taken much more of Tony running around naked.'<p>

Betty sighed. 'Sorry, Pepper, no answers. I have found a toxin of some kind, I'm just trying to identify it.'

'_I am currently analysing the toxin in order to create an antidote,' _JARVIS informed her calmly.

Pepper flopped down onto the sofa and put the cushion over her eyes. 'I've locked them all in the sitting room,' she said. 'Tony and Thor are trying to build a better fort and Natasha has moved onto protecting pencils. It's ridiculous how many pencils there are in there.'

Betty tried not to smiled. 'I can think of many ways in which it could be worse.'

Pepper lowered the pillow and raised an eyebrow. 'Are you sure? Because I honestly can't.'

'Hopefully soon I'll have some positive news for you,' Betty said, looking apologetic. 'I called Jane Foster too, Thor's girlfriend, she should be here soon.'

'Good call,' Pepper said. 'The last thing we need is Thor getting a bit mad and electrocuting all of us.'

There came a loud crash from the sitting room and Pepper sighed and stood up, 'I better go and make sure everyone's still alive, Fury left me in charge for some stupid reason.'

'Go get 'em, girl,' Betty said, smiling encouragingly at her.

'If you hear screaming assume the worst,' Pepper said.

Betty chuckled.

**XxXxXxX**

The sitting room was chaotic. Tony and Thor were sat in their fort playing noughts and crosses and Natasha was sat on the couch, surrounded by her various pots and pencils, reading them a bedtime story with Clint and Coulson sat next to her, crossed legged and sucking their thumbs. Steve was doing push-ups with Bruce sat on his shoulders yelling 'giddy-up!' and Logan was cutting his toenails with his claws.

'HI PEPPER!' Tony yelled from the fort. 'I'm beating Thor at noughts and crosses!''

'I'm so happy for you!' Pepper called back, a fake smile plastered on her face, pleased to find that both Tony and Thor had put their clothes back on after her stern telling off. Thor didn't exactly have the advantage when playing noughts and crosses, but she decided not to mention that.

Natasha shot her a glare, obviously furious that Pepper was even daring to interrupt their story time. Pepper put her hands on her hips and glared right back at her. Pepper had a glare that could match Natasha's after years of working for Tony, and in the end Natasha turned her head and went back to reading the story.

'Let's play hide and seek!' Clint yelled, jumping up suddenly. 'Coulson you're searching!'

'YEAH!' everyone chorused, and raced off to find somewhere to hide, leaving Pepper stood in the middle of the now empty room, shock written on her face and panic slowly creeping up her spine. She was used to Tony's childish tendencies but _this _was just _ridiculous._

'Um… what's going on?' a voice came from the doorway.

Pepper looked up to see Jane Foster stood in the doorway, confused written all over her face.

'Dr Foster…' Pepper began.

'Jane, please,' Jane interrupted, smiling weakly at her.

'Jane,' Pepper said. 'I'm Pepper Potts, nice to finally meet you, Thor never stops talking about you.'

Jane smiled. 'Nice to meet you too,' she said. 'And, um… what's going on? Did I just see my boyfriend in a _fort _with…?'

'… my boyfriend?' Pepper finished. 'Yes, you did. Someone has spiked the pizza they all ate and now they've just gone completely nuts. We're working on an antidote at this second.'

'Okay,' Jane said. 'Um… can I help in anyway?'

'Oh dear god, yes,' Pepper said, grinning at her.

**XxXxXxX**

'CLINT!' Coulson protested. 'Hiding in the ceiling is cheating!'

'No it isn't!' Clint protested from the nest he'd made himself high up in the rafters. 'If Thor hadn't told you where I was, you would never had found me! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PLAY, THOR!' he yelled at his teammate.

'Sorry!' Thor said, looking apologetic and running away down the corridor.

Coulson sighed and stalked off down the corridor to find the others. Clint grinned and leaned back, stretching his legs.

'Caw, caw, motherfuckers,' he said.

**XxXxXxX**

'TONY I FOUND YOU!' Coulson exclaimed, finding Tony hiding behind the door to the kitchen.

'No fair!' Tony said, stamping his foot.

'You should have found a better hiding place!' Natasha said, laughing from under the table.

'Found you too, Tasha!' Coulson said, laughing and pointing.

'Haha you too suck at this game!' Came a voice from the top of the cupboard.

'Bruce found you as well!' Coulson said, jumping up and down and pointing at him.

'Who's left to find?' Tony said, excitedly.

'Um… Steve and Logan!' Coulson said, grinning excitedly.

'Let's go!' Natasha said, zooming out from under the table, a plant pot clutched tightly under one arm.

**XxXxXxX**

'So… now they're playing hide and seek,' Jane said, frowning.

'Yes,' Betty said. 'JARVIS has nearly finished analysing the toxin and is currently formulating and antidote for whatever toxin was put on the pizza, all we need to do then is synthesize it and find a way to give it to them.'

'Okay,' Jane said. 'And we still don't know how the toxin got onto the pizza?'

'No, we don't,' Pepper said, looking annoyed and clutching her head where a serious headache was blossoming into life.

'Ideally we should try to keep them contained in one area, in case they try to get outside,' Jane said.

Pepper and Betty smiled wickedly and Jane sighed. 'Okay, fine, it was my idea, I'll go get them,' she said, walking out of the lab and thinking of ways to get a bunch of hyper and insane super heroes to sit still for ten seconds.

**XxXxXxX**

'Logan! Found you!' Clint yelled, pointing at where Logan was hiding in a cupboard. He'd come down from the rafters when he started to get bored and nothing exciting was happening and had quickly found the others running all over the tower yelling excitedly.

'Damn it!' Logan said, coming out from the cupboard and folding his arms crossly. 'Did I win?' he asked.

'Nope! I DID!' Steve yelled, springing out from behind a curtain and flinging his arms out excitedly, smacking Tony straight in the nose who was coming up behind him.

'OW!' Tony yelped, holding his nose where blood was gushing out. 'Steve hit me!'

'Sorry, Tony!' Steve said, looking apologetic and fishing a tissue out of his trousers.

The rest of the group came running up and congratulated Steve, who was trying to stop Tony's nose from bleeding.

'THOR ODINSON!' someone yelled from the end of the corridor. Silence fell, immediately, and Thor's eyes lit up.

'JANE!' he cried, and ran up to her, hugging her tightly.

Jane gave him a brief hug back, then pointed in the direction of the living room. 'All of you, living room, now,' she said. 'Go and put a film on and _stop running around like lunatics.'_

The group trailed back to the living room, heads done, metaphorical tails between their legs. Jane followed them in and Tony spotted Pepper stood in the doorway to Bruce's lab, hand clutching her head.

'Pep?' he said, softly. 'What's wrong?'

Pepper looked up at him, for a moment there he'd sounded like himself. 'Oh, Tony,' she said. 'What happened to your nose?'

'Steve hit me,' Tony said, looking crestfallen. 'What's wrong with your head?'

'I have a headache,' Pepper said, then took his hand and led him away down the corridor, towards their room and the en-suite bathroom. 'Come on,' she said. 'Let's go and get your nose cleaned up.'

'… Pepper…?' Tony said, pausing, and screwing his face up in concentration.

Pepper looked at him, and noticed his eyes were a bit brighter and he didn't seem as confused.

'Tony?' she whispered, softly. 'Is that you?'

But then the cloud went back over Tony eyes and he whimpered. 'My nose hurts,' he said.

Pepper sighed. 'Come on,' she said, dragging him into the bathroom.

**XxXxXxX**

Once the blood had been cleared off Tony's face and he was sat in the living room with the others, where they were quietly watching _Wall-E, _a plant pot on either side of Natasha, Pepper made her way back down into Bruce's lab where Jane and Betty were chatting, on a mission to find painkillers.

Jane had beaten her to it, and held them up to her as she came in. Pepper swallowed them and sighed, already feeling her headache begin to dissipate.

'What happened with Tony?' Jane asked.

'Steve whacked him in the snozz,' Pepper said, sitting down.

'No, I mean, I saw you two when I was getting the others rounded up, he seemed… different,' Jane said.

'I don't know what happened,' Pepper said, frowning, but whatever it was it didn't last very long.

'He saw you in distress and started worrying,' Betty said. 'That made him more coherent. At least that tells us whatever the hell this thing is that's happening, it isn't permanent, but it's still really strong, _seriously _strong to change Thor.'

'What do you mean?' Pepper asked, sensing Betty was trying to lead her to an epiphany and wishing she would very much just get to it.

'I mean,' Betty said. 'That Tony must adore you for his personality to break through like that when he realised you were upset, none of the others have shown any sign of changing back.'

'After today, when they're all back to normal,' Pepper said. 'He better make it up to me.'

Jane and Betty smiled. 'Ditto,' they said in unison.

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><p><em>Please review! :D<em>


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